I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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