I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
