for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
