mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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