As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
