No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
