I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We have started to decorate penises.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
