Barsexuality is the new black.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
