Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
