Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
