bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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