After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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