My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I need to calm my uterus...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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