her vagine was all disorganized.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
