Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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