So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Be still, my beating vagina.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
