i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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