There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize