I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
