OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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