you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
