I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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