he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
