Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
