The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
