hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
