Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
