I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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