Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
