I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
