I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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