Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
