its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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