im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
