Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
