my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
