Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
