Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
