the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
