I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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