hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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