Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
