I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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