found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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