My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
