I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
