I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
