Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
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She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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