Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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