Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
