we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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