I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
