If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
