Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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