worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
