thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
