marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
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High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
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When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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