The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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