you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
