Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
