i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
