just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
