I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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