So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
