What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
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I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
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i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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