she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
