my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
