we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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