My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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