You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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