I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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