i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
