just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Success! We fucked roommates!
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