If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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