In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
