Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
