Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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