I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
