just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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