he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
