we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
