It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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