I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
