Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
