His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
