I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
