You're completely useless in the revolution.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
