So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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