Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
