you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
