Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
