worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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