i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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