Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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